October 1, 2011

A sudden overwhelming sadness often robs me of the joy and peace I feel from the blessings I have. Whether there is an underlying factors of worried and concerns for my family, my academics, or my relationship with friends, it consumes. It's consuming me right now. I am happy. I know I'm beyond happy with where I am at my life. I've transformed into someone I really like. I'm happy being with Bao. I love my family more than I can express. I don't know where this abundance of love is coming from, but I would do anything and everything for them to get to know what true love is-to know who you really are, Abba. I would be more than ready to do what you ask of me so that they can get to know you. I want them to know you... I want them to have you in their own lives. I love you so much, God. I don't know how I can live without you...& I wonder how my family is living their lives without you. They yearn for you. They have an unfailing desire and hunger that can only be satisfied through you, Abba. I fail a heavy rush of tears escaping the my tear ducts. I am sad that they don't know you. I am happy with knowing you. I am happy that you have provided so much peace, joy, and reassurance with each decision in my life. I still thirst for you very much. You have called me to be a catechist for Confirmation I. I am honored and humbled at this request of yours. I only hope that I can be maximized as an instrument of yours. There has been so much burdens on my hearts. I have an endless list of people and things to pray for. I pray for Amber. for kelsey. for Cynthia. For my mom and dad. Especially for Chris and Christina. I pray for CIW. I pray for unity amongst the church-a bond. I pray for the souls in purgatory. I pray for Di Tuyet. I pray for Thuy Van, Bac Ngoc, Bac Minh, Duc Thien, Alex, Bac Hong, Cau Tung, Cau Hung, Cau Man, Tommy, Lexie, Dustyn--all my younger cousins. I pray that they may ultimately learn the value of family and unity, the warmth of your love, the joy you provide.
I pray for a continued growth and transfomation in who I am...

Emptiness (7.8.11)

I'll probably blog about Katherine's birthday tomorrow. but i feel such a devastating emptiness and void.

Marcella (6.3.11)

I had dinner with Brandon Marcella last night at Kaneyama just as a confirmation/graduation gift. I went to adoration and then mass. He picked me up from Notre Dame; I left my car at church. He is now driving his beamerrr!(: it was nice, but I noticed he didn't seem as ecstatic about driving his new car. --which was a hint into the night of the longs talks we would have at dinner. Its amazing to look back and see how four years have changed me. Its amazing to see him start freshmen year and finally finishing just because I remember the freshmen kid he was entering the speech and debate camp during summer. He was late to start off with. Then, he wore extremely baggy jeans, and he sat next to me. I spent the next four years getting to know just like any other classmates. Considering the fact that he was a lower classmen, I really did not think my friendship with him would last as long as I did up until my first year into college. I really didn't think I would be able to connect with him on this level of understanding, but I do which makes me value him as a friend so much more. Its rare for me to find friends like him, hence why I don't have such a broad selection of friends-just acquantainces. I honestly don't remember much encounters with him during school. At first, he was just this goofy kid constantly cracking jokes and being what I thought was him-but that was the facade he wore at school. I think I began to see who he was at church-in the presence of Christ. I remember seeing him and Jeanne at the "God is Calling" retreat at Notre Dame in January 2009. It was his first year of confirmation, and Jeanne's second year. At the time, I thought they were dating. At that time, I still didn't really know him that well. We were still acquaintances. I did not see our friendship progressing to where it was. i don't know how or what it was that connected us. Friends like Minh-Anh and Augusta are the closest thing I call friends because they are the rare ones that can connect closest to my understanding and outlooks on life, but even that can't achieve it at great satisfaction. I often find it difficult to connect to people. Not that they are immature, but I feel like I have such a mature thinking that I feel that people would not be able to understand-not understand the things I go through, not understand the hunger and thirst that this world cant seem to satisfy, not understand my relationship with God, not understand a part of who I was...so this prevented me from truly having high school experiences with friends. What they saw as "fun" never gave me gratification. I wanted more than the party scene and drinking.

Just An Update (5.23.11)

Kelsey.. well I feel like ever since she started dating Michael, she's been a little distance. but it's really okay and understandable. Amber said she said she knows she's been distancing herself but she's gonna fix it. I took her home after LifeTeen mass yesterday. We stopped by Kim's Teahouse to get tapioca drink and popcorn chicken. I stopped by to play with Dustyn and Audrina. They kept showing me their new room. It's really cute. Dustyn and Audrina both have a bunk bed together. It's really cute. pictures in my phone. too bad, i don't know where my cord is to connect it.
Yesterday was the last day of Sunday school for the year of 2010-2011. .. very bittersweet. Once again, I've grown attach to the students. Well, I didn't quite grow attach to them last year or the previous year, but ever since I worked at UH Children Learning Center, I've been emotionally clinging onto children(Mariah and Chase) now the entire 8A class. Maybe it's because I know it's 8th grade and they're heading onto confirmation class. Well, whatever it is. I miss them already. I'm still contemplating on whether I will teach next year. I'm swaying on the "no" side, but this small part of me is telling me that I should teach next year. I just feel like I have so much to learn-that I'm not ready to teach student with the knowledge I have. I don't know.