A Year Ago

I remember it was a year ago at about this time in the year of 2010. It was the suckiest year of them all. I hated it. I remember the pain I was holding onto and how I was unable to release it. I didn't know how. I couldn't. I honestly felt like that pain I felt was there to stay forever. I thought it was embedded into me-as if I was a stone carving. I felt like I would never pick myself up. I'm not exaggerating. Looking back, I always remember how far I've come from that point in my life.
It was you that hurt me. It was always you that hurt me. It was always that feeling of "not being good enough," the feeling of abandonment, the feeling of being forgotten, the feeling of not being special, the feeling of being replaced, the feeling of unloved. I put myself down a lot because of that. I held onto that darkness and never forgot it. I was upset at you on Cynthia and Amber's Confirmation. It was the day I sponsored Julia, and I didn't even enjoy it because I was constantly feeling the heartache of being pushed aside. I remember it so well because the pain , oh the pain, was no longer bearable. I would try to forget it. I would try to think of my greater purpose, but it was so difficult. I remember not being able to hold it any longer that I texted Bao. I constantly prayed in tongues to hold onto some sort of peace so I wouldn't feel distraught. Then, he came by and squatted right next to me and asked "What's wrong?" Then, we went into the office room and he talked to me. He encouraged me. I don't remember what he said, but I teared. Then, he gave me a hug. I was okay for a little while then that feeling of abandonment came back. I will never forget that moment. He was so sincere and dear. I appreciate it so much. That's the guy I see. That's who I see as Bao Loi. Since then, little did I know he was going to help me heal from the pain I was grasping onto. Thank you so much for reminding me I'm amazing.