After It all Settles Down

The retreat is over. This overwhelming feeling of sadness overtakes me. I knew I would feel like this. I knew I would be sad at the end of it all which was why I wanted to prevent it by not attending the retreat at all. I don't know what it is. It wasn't that I'm emotionally attach to the students this year. That wasn't it. I hardly got any opportunity to talk to them. Was it the place itself? I was scared of the ranch. I was scared at night. It's not the place that creates the memory. Its the people. Indeed, a lot of great memories were created. Little did I know, I needed this retreat myself. I took away a lot from Cha Lam's talk. Seeing the students experience laying of hands and the monstrance with you truly present in the sacrament for the first time renewed my hope from the constant dryness of life. It revived me, and gave me a reason to go.-to serve, to love, to care. It reminded me that you truly are present. You're here. You are working in all of us-how easy could we forget that. So many students needed healing, and they were able to receive that healing through your love this weekend. It was all worth it-weeks of planning and meetings-for this one moment. I teared witnessing all of this. Leaving the camp site and going back home, seeing the highways, stores, cars, etc, reminded me that I didn't want to be in the city--that I wanted to go back to Kick-a-poo Ranch to be away. The stillness of no city life was what I attached myself to. Being away and surrounded around nothing but nature was what my heart craved for. No electronics. No social network. No work. No ordinary life. No routines., but fellowship and unity with others. Waking up together. Praising and worshiping together. Eating meals together. Showering together. Packing up together. Together.  I went home and checked Blackboard, FaceBook, Tumblr, Ymail, etc., and I remembered the load of unfinished work I left behind. Then, I remembered exactly why I didn't want to be back home. Not just yet. I have so much to do, and I feel the rush of stress. But I can't allow myself to because this retreat was too great to let the aftermath be ruined by what we call "life."