NC Advent Retreat: Refrain, Refine, Restore

Before I allow myself to do anything...check e-mails, blackboard grade (because finals are over), and get myself busy with unnecessary things, I feel like to really penetrate myself into this moment, I need to take a moment to blog about it. Similarly like any Confirmation II retreat, I never want to return to the busyness of life...but what can you say..it's life. Let's start off with Friday. Friday Morning: i woke up at 8:30am. I picked up Bao. We went to get McDonald's breakfast for Cha Lam and Lam. They were going to pick us up at my house at 9:30am. They did. Cha had to stay in town Friday to have dinner with the Cardinal. Michelle was flying in later Friday night. so it was me, Lam, and Bao. I was really tired. Our flight was at ..idr.. :/ but it was delayed..we ended up getting to NC around 6ish. had to hurry and set up. I was worried the materials for the balloon stomp icebreaker was not ready. ribbons were not cut nor were the puzzle pieces cut. so i hurried doing that as Bao got music ready. Then, somone (i later found out it was Chi's mom) asked me if i was tired and if i wanted an apple. so sweet of her. Then, her and a few others helped me. and we started the night off with the icebreaker. Lam shared the moral of the game. Then we did p&w. it was quite awkward. they were very talkative. a lot of them were younger and we didnt have full p&w until Michelle arrived. Then she did. Friday night went down terribly because it felt like we were rushing so badly because our flight was delayed. Then, when Michelle came, it was better but still kinda bad. it took so much manpower we didn't have.

Saturday: Cha arrives in the morning. We start off the morning with the straw tower activity and the holding your laughter game. Then, we went inside. Cha gave a talk. Then we had lunch. After lunch was the t-shirt icebreaker and the mask skit.  They all entered and we had p&w. Cha talked. After that, we slowed it down for them to write letters. He also had confession going on. Then we all switched into the church. Inside the church, we stalled time by discussing physical and internal insecurity. Then Cha had a talk. Then we had dinner. After dinner, we performed the numb skit and we separated parent and children talks. After was adoration, and chisel skit. We all went back to Anh Huy's house, and had pho. His wife is so precious and sweet. We had a discussion about death and the chaplain breaking the news to the family member of the deceased, and how to handle it. Lam shared with us the first miracle he ever witnessed.

It was really good being able to serve alongside with Bao and Michelle. Serving with Bao made me see the greatness within him and how much i appreciated him as my boyfriend.

Sunday: Sunday was a relaxed morning because we didn't plan anything until 2:30-4:30.  I woke up and we all went to the backyard to see the creek. Anh Huy's backyard is amazing. Michelle stayed inside with his wife making sushi. We all came back and helped her roll sushi. Then we went to church. WE had a slideshow powerpoint and discussed ways to build the community. then at 5, we had mass. mass was quite long. but i enjoyed it. I enjoyed sitting next to Anh Huy's kid, Lam. and Kevin, of course. They gave us the gift. Then we all went to Cha Manh Thu's House to eat dinner. I enjoyed it because i felt like i was a part of an adult conversation. We went to CVS after, bought candy and drinks. went home and watched Tree of Life on the projector. great way to end the night

Monday: we didn't have to leave until late. we went horseback riding. visit duke university chapel. ate at noodles and everything. then went to the airport. flight landed at 730. cha, bao, michelle and i ate at Rudys. then we got home at 10.



Highlight of the weekends:
being able to serve with my boyfriend, Bao.
being able to to be a part of this close-knit community
being away from the chaos of a city-life--work, family, school, friends
growing closer to Cha Lam and Lam
horseback riding
being able to serve
Kevin's conversion
the laughter...making fun of Cha's laugh, betting the Target gift card with Bao that Michelle's been to the house, watching a movie on the projector even though it was a terrible movie
talking to Chi and having hope that she'll be able to join in on other retreats
being away from the internet, social network, and the outside world
sleeping at Anh Huy's house is always so nice and relaxing
meeting Anh Binh, Chi's Parents,

October 1, 2011

A sudden overwhelming sadness often robs me of the joy and peace I feel from the blessings I have. Whether there is an underlying factors of worried and concerns for my family, my academics, or my relationship with friends, it consumes. It's consuming me right now. I am happy. I know I'm beyond happy with where I am at my life. I've transformed into someone I really like. I'm happy being with Bao. I love my family more than I can express. I don't know where this abundance of love is coming from, but I would do anything and everything for them to get to know what true love is-to know who you really are, Abba. I would be more than ready to do what you ask of me so that they can get to know you. I want them to know you... I want them to have you in their own lives. I love you so much, God. I don't know how I can live without you...& I wonder how my family is living their lives without you. They yearn for you. They have an unfailing desire and hunger that can only be satisfied through you, Abba. I fail a heavy rush of tears escaping the my tear ducts. I am sad that they don't know you. I am happy with knowing you. I am happy that you have provided so much peace, joy, and reassurance with each decision in my life. I still thirst for you very much. You have called me to be a catechist for Confirmation I. I am honored and humbled at this request of yours. I only hope that I can be maximized as an instrument of yours. There has been so much burdens on my hearts. I have an endless list of people and things to pray for. I pray for Amber. for kelsey. for Cynthia. For my mom and dad. Especially for Chris and Christina. I pray for CIW. I pray for unity amongst the church-a bond. I pray for the souls in purgatory. I pray for Di Tuyet. I pray for Thuy Van, Bac Ngoc, Bac Minh, Duc Thien, Alex, Bac Hong, Cau Tung, Cau Hung, Cau Man, Tommy, Lexie, Dustyn--all my younger cousins. I pray that they may ultimately learn the value of family and unity, the warmth of your love, the joy you provide.
I pray for a continued growth and transfomation in who I am...

Emptiness (7.8.11)

I'll probably blog about Katherine's birthday tomorrow. but i feel such a devastating emptiness and void.

Marcella (6.3.11)

I had dinner with Brandon Marcella last night at Kaneyama just as a confirmation/graduation gift. I went to adoration and then mass. He picked me up from Notre Dame; I left my car at church. He is now driving his beamerrr!(: it was nice, but I noticed he didn't seem as ecstatic about driving his new car. --which was a hint into the night of the longs talks we would have at dinner. Its amazing to look back and see how four years have changed me. Its amazing to see him start freshmen year and finally finishing just because I remember the freshmen kid he was entering the speech and debate camp during summer. He was late to start off with. Then, he wore extremely baggy jeans, and he sat next to me. I spent the next four years getting to know just like any other classmates. Considering the fact that he was a lower classmen, I really did not think my friendship with him would last as long as I did up until my first year into college. I really didn't think I would be able to connect with him on this level of understanding, but I do which makes me value him as a friend so much more. Its rare for me to find friends like him, hence why I don't have such a broad selection of friends-just acquantainces. I honestly don't remember much encounters with him during school. At first, he was just this goofy kid constantly cracking jokes and being what I thought was him-but that was the facade he wore at school. I think I began to see who he was at church-in the presence of Christ. I remember seeing him and Jeanne at the "God is Calling" retreat at Notre Dame in January 2009. It was his first year of confirmation, and Jeanne's second year. At the time, I thought they were dating. At that time, I still didn't really know him that well. We were still acquaintances. I did not see our friendship progressing to where it was. i don't know how or what it was that connected us. Friends like Minh-Anh and Augusta are the closest thing I call friends because they are the rare ones that can connect closest to my understanding and outlooks on life, but even that can't achieve it at great satisfaction. I often find it difficult to connect to people. Not that they are immature, but I feel like I have such a mature thinking that I feel that people would not be able to understand-not understand the things I go through, not understand the hunger and thirst that this world cant seem to satisfy, not understand my relationship with God, not understand a part of who I was...so this prevented me from truly having high school experiences with friends. What they saw as "fun" never gave me gratification. I wanted more than the party scene and drinking.

Just An Update (5.23.11)

Kelsey.. well I feel like ever since she started dating Michael, she's been a little distance. but it's really okay and understandable. Amber said she said she knows she's been distancing herself but she's gonna fix it. I took her home after LifeTeen mass yesterday. We stopped by Kim's Teahouse to get tapioca drink and popcorn chicken. I stopped by to play with Dustyn and Audrina. They kept showing me their new room. It's really cute. Dustyn and Audrina both have a bunk bed together. It's really cute. pictures in my phone. too bad, i don't know where my cord is to connect it.
Yesterday was the last day of Sunday school for the year of 2010-2011. .. very bittersweet. Once again, I've grown attach to the students. Well, I didn't quite grow attach to them last year or the previous year, but ever since I worked at UH Children Learning Center, I've been emotionally clinging onto children(Mariah and Chase) now the entire 8A class. Maybe it's because I know it's 8th grade and they're heading onto confirmation class. Well, whatever it is. I miss them already. I'm still contemplating on whether I will teach next year. I'm swaying on the "no" side, but this small part of me is telling me that I should teach next year. I just feel like I have so much to learn-that I'm not ready to teach student with the knowledge I have. I don't know.

...

So, I guess that was the end of me and Bao... I let him go. I left after the year of holding onto what we had.. How stupid could I be to let the guy I wanted to be with loose in a world full of girls who will be captivated by his charm... but, I knew it was only fair to let him go if I was not ready to be with him. He wanted to wait. He wanted to stay. I knew that would be too much hurt at the end if I were to never end up with him. He makes me his first priority, and I'm at a part of my life where I'm not ready to do the same. I guess that 3 year difference really mattered, because we are at two completely different stages of our lives. He's almost done with school. He's on a path of pursuing his career. I, on the other hand, just started school. I'm not ready to get into a relationship that is bound to get serious enough to consider marriage. I'm too scared for that right now... so maybe, there is a girl out there who is better compatible with him. I hope not. If so, I just hope she will love him wholeheartedly-as much as I knew I could love him.

Easter Party 2011

Today, Christ is Risen. As usual, the family had an egg hunt!(: Mo Lan prepared all the Easter Egg Hunt. Cynthia worked today :( I came over at 3pm and started making water balloons. Holly, Hanna, Caitlin, and Emily were all helping me. Oh they're getting so old. Emily is five. I think Holly and Hanna are around that age too. So I just wanted to make water balloons for them because yesterday when I watched Dustyn, we had a small water fight and he was sad it was over and asked if I could make more next time. So I felt like Easter was the perfect ocasion. Dustyn is so cute. He's getting big so fast. I can't believe how old they're getting. I remember when they were born yesterday! literally! Now he's five. wow! Kelsey came to the Easter party today :) Bac Ngoc and Bac Minh are still mad at the family :/ I hope and pray this get resolved soon. Cau Man and Tommy are starting up the liquor store.I hope that goes out well. Lee Ann and I talked about Natalie and Lexie, how she wished she finished school sooner, etc. Mo Tuyet talked about her sister's lifestyle in NY. It was good times. Kelsey and Amber were playing pokemon on Nintendo LOL. so old school but I remember the fun of it! Well Goodnight!